stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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