I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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