just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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