he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
