in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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