I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
