How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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