Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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