did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
