I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
