Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
