Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
