the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
