Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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