Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
