Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
