Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
