Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
