Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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