phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
