My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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