i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
