You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
