I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
