I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
