I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
