remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
