Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
