hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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