Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
