Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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