I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is my gift to your gina
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
