I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
honey bunches of taint.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
