I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
