i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
