I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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