i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
