He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
