No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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