1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
