Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
