Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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