So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
