Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
