Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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