Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
