I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
