I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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