she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
