so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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