Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
These tits shall not be calmed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
