No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
