i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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