It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
